Awakenings from My Yoga Immersion Part III – A Lesson From a Dragonfly
Do you remember a time when you realized you had been given the awakening you needed to hear and yet you missed it? Maybe not even just once but several times?
Just one of the beautiful aspects of leaving home, work and family behind is that you fully remove yourself from all distractions and get to be with whatever has been trying to speak to you.
Embodiment practices, silent days and emotional processing meant that I didn’t have a choice but to meet myself and many beautiful things came from that.
I thought, felt and believed deep in my heart that my power (and if I take that really deep my worth) came from what I ‘do’.
I had such high expectations of myself as a ‘producer’ (a fancy term in the business world of getting s*** done) and because the pressure was on I felt completely unmotivated to do anything that I usually failed to meet those expectations, goals and lists.
As I write this I am reflecting back on how much of my time was spent in a cycle of;
1. Idea or inspiration,
2. Planning, planning, planning
3. Self-doubting, so procrastinating like crazy
4. Trying to find the motivation to finish
5. Believing it’s not perfect – so not releasing it
6. Finding another idea to start working on and starting another project (having never released the previous one).
7. Then, back to the beginning again along with a lot of self-judgement for all the things I’m not ‘doing’
The truth is I wasn’t inspired to do MOST of the things that I was trying to because I was trying SO hard to be something I am not, based on the advice of other successful entrepreneurs. The advice that you HAVE to do this, that and the other to become a heart centered leader, to be an influencer and to become successful.
I didn’t trust in my own truth, my own voice and my own power enough to create from my own passions, purpose and vision in a way that was completely in alignment to me.
I got gifted a serious truth sitting in front of the pool on a morning of silence during my yoga training in the form of a dragonfly…
I have never been a sit by the pool woman however, I was relaxing back reflecting on the transformations that were taking place when I noticed a dragonfly come over from the gardens and fly over the pool.
That’s not unusual for where I was staying in Thailand but, dragonflies always seem to have a message for me so I tuned in to watch it and as it did, it seemed to hover in mid-air just above the surface of the pool.
Its wings were moving I guess but, they were too fast to see. Even though it was several inches above the surface of the pool the effect of its wings rippled the water out from underneath this beautiful creature in such a powerful way that it completely captured me.
Seeing this felt like a gift because what I received was a true awakening to the power of vibration from a creature that carries the message of transformation, releasing illusions, clarity and emotional freedom.
As I witnessed the ripples from the water I realized I do not need to ‘try’ or ‘do’ anything. We are all sending out a vibration so potent that it transforms what is near us (whether we like it or not).
I started reflecting on questions like;
“Do I really want to be sending out a vibration of doubt, fear, contraction and worries that I’m never doing enough, that I am never enough?”
“What if I could surrender EVERYTHING that isn’t in alignment with me? What would that look like”
“What if I could simply open my heart and let all of who I am pour out?”
“What if I could trust in my own passions, my own visions and my own voice?”
“What if, like the dragonfly, I opened my wings and let myself fly without ever doubting that I am creating the change I long for in this world”
“What if I am healing the world simply through my presence and I actually don’t need to do anything?
“What if my focus and obsessions around trying and doing is actually reducing my power?” (I knew the answer to that one immediately)
Through this reflection time I recognized that it was time to release the doubts and stop trying to control everything in my world. I realized that I already have everything I need within me and all of these fears and doubts are blocking my innate wisdom as well as my power. I became aware that truthfully, I knew all of this for a long time yet, these fears have been keeping me ‘safe’.
I’m very grateful for this dragonfly which, has actually created some space for deep reflections and big shifts. Actually, this moment directed me into facing some of my greatest fears around worth, my need for validation and diving deep into the shadows of where I was losing so much of my power.
I have begun the journey of letting go of what I think I ‘should do’ and rather tuning into my heart about what feels good for me.
I have let go of crazy pressure around trying to become an influencer or leader and rather speak about what I’m passionate about and what is lighting me up – in the way that I WANT to do it. I guess you could say I’ve given my heart and soul room to express my truth (and that is truly becoming an influencer who is attracting the tribe that is aligned with you)
I have started to trust my inner authority and fearlessly (most of the time) share who I really am, ALL of who I am instead of trying to shape myself into what I believed I needed to become.
And, because I’m creating from these spaces I’m finding that ‘producing’ is happening with much more ease, flow and joy!
If you doubt yourself try and visualize this dragonfly just like I do in moments of fear.
That power, that vibration and that magic is something that we all have within ALL of us and we don’t even need to do anything to awaken it except trust, allow and ‘be’.
Learn how to connect to the power of your emotions to forge a deeper relationship with yourself with my free guide.
Enter your name and email address to receive my free Whole Emotions Guide and learn how to tune in to what your body is teaching you.